Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
