Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
