brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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