I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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