Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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