$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
