Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
