Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
