I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
