Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
