Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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