I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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