Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
