I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
