i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
