sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
