Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
