He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
