I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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