Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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