sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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