just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
