quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
