it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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