the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
