I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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