Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
