I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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