This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
