whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
