Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
