This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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