I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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