You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
