just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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