Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
