so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
