So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Its about making memories worth repressing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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