im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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