my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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