let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
