I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
