remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
