Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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