The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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