Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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