The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
