Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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