Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
