Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
