we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He shit in the fireplace
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
