You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
These tits shall not be calmed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
